I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
