My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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