so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am available for nakedness
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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