My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
