Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
