He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
