I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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