the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
