I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize