Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
