what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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