im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i dont even know how to be here
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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