Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
