yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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