I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
