That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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