He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
