I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Pooping to opera.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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