hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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