So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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