i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
