I wish my penis had an off switch
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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