One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
