Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
pop tarts are not kleenex
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
