Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize