I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
