I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
