Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
