I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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