Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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