just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
