when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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