Apparently you make a good broom.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
