Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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