I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
