my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
