I heard we made out
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize