apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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