we made out on top of his cat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
