wrigley field is MILF paradise
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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