The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
