Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
