Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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