Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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