Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
