pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
