have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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