My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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