Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
