The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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