I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
