yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
