I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
