Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I just put wine in my tea
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize