You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
