I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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