my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
