just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
