he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
