I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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