i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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