im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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