The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
