Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would fuck him just for his dog
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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