I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Non-Jews are for practice
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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