Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
