Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
