Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
